Not a sin it’s just me

I’ve been a life long “slut” and I didn’t realize until I was 20 years old, while visiting my dear Dad. Like the most adorable of parents, he broke out the baby Karey videos to share with my college girlfriend. The VHS time machine starts with a scene of a 2-3 year old in a seersucker jumper singing Elton John’s Babys Got Blue Eyes to a captive audience of relatives. This suits my hamtastic, dramatic adult self of drama camp teacher glory and primary school reader’s theater fame.   The complete lack of musical skill is also evident very early. The song is off tempo and key but with ample flourish.

The next video is my first birthday party. Watching these innocent gleeful scenes from my infancy I am surprised by the parallels between my 20^th birthday only weeks before. With wisps of red hair, my mother chases me with a web of pink tulle and gossamer ribbons. I continue to evade or remove my gown with peals of baby giggles. You see, I’ve been getting topless and working a crowd before I had any concept of sexuality. 

            Meanwhile, in rape culture, a woman who loses her top also loses her right to deny sexual advances. We chant she wants it, she’s asking for it, just look at the way she’s dressed.

 Wake up!

These hurtful assumptions aren’t true or helpful to women or men who respect women. Sure, I may want to have sex but in all likelihood not with you. My dress, banter and possible nudity are not free tickets to ride. The way I’m comfortable and have fun is not about you. My druid style of celebrating nude under the moon isn’t corrupt. It’s not sinful or shameful or giving a green light for entrance into my lady parts.

Many men clearly understood this but there were instances through word or deed the rape acceptance in our culture shined through. A guy tells his buddy “We almost had sex but she’ll probably deny it”. This particular fellow and I had spoken at a party for maybe 15 minutes. I was flirtatious, yes. I was interested in a person whom I thought to be intelligent and interesting. I won’t deny I may have been flirtatious but that is a long, long way from engaging in sexual activity or sex itself. Even as a self acclaimed tramp I talked to many more men than I’ve slept with. Talking is the first step in a sexual relationship but playful banter is not consent. Nor should it be the opportunity to brag to your “bro” how you coulda had that “ho”. My skills in conversation are wildly useful in academics and the professional world. Initiating contact with the opposite sex is easier for me than sum and giving men a bit of attention goes a long way.

Only a small fraction of a person’s behavior is for you. I’ve been engaging a crowd since my undergarments were pampers not Victoria’s Secret.  I didn’t start getting topless to show how open I was to sexual activities with the general public. I like wearing as little clothes as possible 90% of the time without regard for subsequent sexual relations. I’m not charming and gregarious because I can’t turn anyone away from my lady parts.  I won’t let society teach me or my daughter that our light clothing tendencies, show stopping and starting styles or friendly dispositions are anything but good for us, our significant others and society as a whole.