Not a sin it’s just
me
I’ve been a life long “slut” and I
didn’t realize until I was 20 years old, while visiting my dear Dad. Like the most
adorable of parents, he broke out the baby Karey videos to share with my
college girlfriend. The VHS time machine starts with a scene of a 2-3 year old
in a seersucker jumper singing Elton John’s Babys Got Blue Eyes to a captive
audience of relatives. This suits my hamtastic, dramatic adult self of drama
camp teacher glory and primary school reader’s theater fame. The
complete lack of musical skill is also evident very early. The song is off
tempo and key but with ample flourish.
The next video is my first birthday
party. Watching these innocent gleeful scenes from my infancy I am surprised by
the parallels between my 20th birthday only weeks before. With wisps
of red hair, my mother chases me with a web of pink tulle and gossamer ribbons.
I continue to evade or remove my gown with peals of baby giggles. You see, I’ve
been getting topless and working a crowd before I had any concept of sexuality.
Meanwhile,
in rape culture, a woman who loses her top also loses her right to deny sexual
advances. We chant she wants it, she’s asking for it, just look at the way
she’s dressed.
Wake up!
These hurtful assumptions aren’t
true or helpful to women or men who respect women. Sure, I may want to have sex
but in all likelihood not with you. My dress, banter and possible nudity are
not free tickets to ride. The way I’m comfortable and have fun is not about
you. My druid style of celebrating nude under the moon isn’t corrupt. It’s not
sinful or shameful or giving a green light for entrance into my lady parts.
Many men clearly understood this
but there were instances through word or deed the rape acceptance in our
culture shined through. A guy tells his buddy “We almost had sex but she’ll
probably deny it”. This particular fellow and I had spoken at a party for maybe
15 minutes. I was flirtatious, yes. I was interested in a person whom I thought
to be intelligent and interesting. I won’t deny I may have been flirtatious but
that is a long, long way from engaging in sexual activity or sex itself. Even
as a self acclaimed tramp I talked to many more men than I’ve slept with.
Talking is the first step in a sexual relationship but playful banter is not
consent. Nor should it be the opportunity to brag to your “bro” how you coulda
had that “ho”. My skills in conversation are wildly useful in academics and the
professional world. Initiating contact with the opposite sex is easier for me
than sum and giving men a bit of attention goes a long way.
Only a small fraction of a person’s
behavior is for you. I’ve been engaging a crowd since my undergarments were
pampers not Victoria’s Secret. I didn’t
start getting topless to show how open I was to sexual activities with the
general public. I like wearing as little clothes as possible 90% of the time
without regard for subsequent sexual relations. I’m not charming and gregarious
because I can’t turn anyone away from my lady parts. I won’t let society teach me or my daughter
that our light clothing tendencies, show stopping and starting styles or
friendly dispositions are anything but good for us, our significant others and
society as a whole.
